Okay, this is going to be a long one.... and I'm probably going to come back often to make corrections and edit out the things I will have regretted typing the more I think about them, LOL.  It's been a long day, so hopefully I wasn't so tired typing this that it doesn't make sense or ramble on too much.

With the year coming to a close, I thought I’d post a rundown of how this year went.  I’ve changed jobs, made VERY a unlikely new friend, had a person I thought was out of my life for good, re-enter it briefly, and I lost a friend of over 35 years to cancer,

 January

As anyone who knows me or reads this blog knows, 2016 started out stressful!  Spending New Year’s Eve and the 1st fretting about contacting my bosses and then going over to their home to resign and give a formal two weeks’ notice after working for them for close to two years was awful, as was the following two weeks.  It was also a scary time as I was leaving a very well-paying job before officially being hired at the next job.  I could find myself without a job with no options.  Plus, I was going to a job that paid considerably less money than I’d been used to.  How was that going to be?  What if I hated the new job?

Starting the new job was, as I said, scary, but great too.  I felt “at home” and where I belonged right from the start.  This was a feeling I have not felt in 16 years.  I knew I’d made the right decision by taking the risks to get to this new position.  Sure, I don’t have the extra money I used to, but I was doing a job I knew I was good at.  That’s got to be worth something, right?

I’ve met so many great people at my new company.  Every one of them friendly, (well everyone but the guy I used to work with at another company).  One of the friendly people being someone I told right after meeting them “I should hate you and not get along with you, but somehow I do”.  They are an ultra-conservative, redneck, racist-y, Libertarian prepper survivalist who says everything they think without a filter.  Most everything they say is offensive (I have to believe most of it is said for effect and to get a reaction out of people), but somehow they have become a dear friend (and bless his girlfriend’s heart for putting up with him for so long, she is more woman than I will ever be!).

February

Quiet month.  Went to the Doctor Who convention (didn’t enjoy myself) and lost a friend I’ve known most of my life to cancer.  I was devastated.  Spent a lot of time crying, studying and not drinking.  This loss took a very long time to try and get over, especially since neither of us were particularly good to the other the last year or so we saw each other.  I didn't know his cancer had relapsed.  I still feel the guilt and sadness to this day.

March

I think I spent the entire month studying and mostly not drinking.  And dealing with the asshole I work with. 

April

Part of the hiring agreement for my new job was obtain a specific license (hence all the studying) within 90 days and I passed the exam this month.  I was told that it would have been okay had I not passed it, but I don’t like to fail or make mistakes.

 May

Only things I really remember about May is briefly watching my old bosses house (and swearing I’d never do it again, which I haven’t!) and getting highlights in my hair.  I was about to turn a year older, I wanted to try and look younger.  Not sure I achieved it, but I gave it a try.  I DID have a guy in the grocery store tell me that I looked like a cross between Daria and Lisa Loeb, so it can’t have looked too bad, right?

I was asked to help organize a Memorial Day charity run/walk (I walked) at work with the folks I work with to benefit wounded veterans.   We had a good time with all the vets we met.

June

Another year older.  I was shocked people at work made a big deal about my birthday.  I was still pretty new.  It was so unexpected, I’m very fortunate.  Everyone but the asshole wished me happy birthday and either gave me a gift or took me out (or both!).

July

I lent a long-time friend of mine a small amount of money and things have been weird ever since.  I don’t care about the money, but they do and it has affected our friendship.  She usually checks in on my cat when I visit my folks during the holidays, but I couldn’t ask her this year, because I didn’t want her to feel obligated since she hasn’t paid me back.  Like I said, I could give a shit about the  money, I’m just glad I could help out a friend.  Because of it, my poor guy was left alone for the days I was gone in December (he is yelling at me for it right now).

Someone who I thought was gone from my life forever contacted me when I never expected to hear from them again.  I was exceedingly happy, yet I felt guarded.  I fucked everything up the last time.  I was sure I would do it again.  How do I temper being really happy to have someone back in my life with overboard caution?  I don’t want to be hurt and I don’t want to unintentionally hurt them.  How did I do you ask?  Turns out, not very well.  At all.

August

Dog days of summer.  I don’t remember much about August.  I know I went out with (and had a very good time) with the person from my past who got in touch with me.  They’d moved back into the area, so I was really jazzed.  Over dinner they said that they wanted to take everything they were doing really slow, which was exactly what I was thinking.  You can’t just move across the country, possibly change jobs, and also jump from one long-term thing to another, right?  We’re so smart and on the same page.  Excellent.  Going back home, I was really looking forward to going out again a couple of weeks later when we spent the day walking around my neighborhood and shopping, ending back at my pad and having a pretty deep discussion.  I got the feeling we were no longer on the same page, but I could be wrong, I usually am, right?  We made plans to go to a concert in a couple of weeks.

September

Early September came and my boss told me I don’t ever have to have anything to do with the asshole at work anymore.  We were being separated, hooray!!!  What a fucking awesome day that was!!!!

I went to visit my folks for the holiday in September.  I remember having fun and really enjoying the drive, but was exhausted when I got home.  Parents (and driving 8+ hours) are exhausting!

I went out on the date to go to dinner and a concert and probably shouldn’t have gone as something was wrong with me.  I was so excited about it, I didn’t want to cancel, no way.  I was looking forward to spending one-on-one time with this person (and see the band).  Plus, it’s rude to cancel on the day of a date, right?  I’m guessing it wouldn’t have made any difference.  From how things turned out, I really messed things up that night.  I was getting a migraine and didn’t realize it.  If you have never had one, it’s really hard to understand what happens to you physically and chemically.  I know my manner was probably short / abrupt.  I started to feel better once I had an iced tea (caffeine is a vasoconstrictor that alleviates some of the effects of migraines).  The tea’s effects were temporary and started to wear off as the night progressed.  The migraine fully hit somewhere after 1am.  I was out of commission for about 4 days afterward.  Anyway, that night seems to have been the point at which that person decided that I wasn’t worth the hassle.  I don’t blame them, not one bit.  I guess if I had been in their shoes, I would have done the same thing.  I’m not mad, angry or anything like that, I’m sad that I managed to fuck things up again. I wish they knew how sorry I am about it.

October

My friend’s store finally had its grand opening, so I went up to help.  A long day in the heat, going to the store to buy hot dogs and stuff and helping people and trying to get them to buy merchandise.  If you can believe it, one of the selling points I used for a line of men’s shirts they carry was “this is the same line of shirts El Chapo wears”.  Yes, I said that to people.  More than once.  And I believe they bought shirts.  While I was there, it was like a school reunion, but with work.   I got to see people I haven’t seen in a long time.  Folks I used to work with, it was fun.

I had a horrible day of jury duty this month.  Nightmarish, literally.  I’m just too sensitive for things like that.  I take it home with me.  I had nightmares for days from what I heard in Jury Selection.  I’m so thankful that I didn’t get picked.  I doubt I could cope with it and they were not letting people get excused because of the subject matter.

Because I started to experience cluster migraines again, I finally got in and went to the neurologist and have started a program of daily medication to prevent the migraines.  So far, it seems to be working, I haven’t had one since.  Some of the side effects really suck, but I’d rather have those than a migraine.

I had an awful experience at EC’s during this month.  What do I do when bad stuff like that happens?  I internalize it and decide that I have to lose weight, because shit like that doesn’t happen to skinny girls, right?  I can’t control others, so I’ll control what I eat.  I also changed my hair.  I got rid of the highlights.  I figured that I’d have my hairstylist color them red for Fall.  Red hair is appropriate for Fall, at least that's what I've heard.

My favorite holiday on the calendar is Halloween, but I didn’t do anything to celebrate it this year.

November

 So, I’m still on the diet and I hate my hair.  I went to my stylist and we decide that I should live with it for a month and then try and put highlights back in when I have my appointment in December, if it won’t cause my hair to fall out.

This was a super-dull month.  Apart from the election, of course.  I don’t want to go into it too much here, but I am frightened by the changes in my country.  Racism, lying, cheating and not being held accountable is now commonplace and acceptable.  I miss the days when people were ashamed to be any of those things.  Now they are proud.  I’m hopeful that the results of the election will be a catalyst for serious change (for the better), I’m hopeful that our new president won’t be as bad as it looks like he will be.  I’m hopeful that maybe he won’t be allowed to do anything too bad and that, if we are lucky, he will be a one-term president and everything he does can be undone by the next person to hold the office.

Early in the month, I found out that person hired to replace me at my last job had given notice.  She lasted about 10 months.

I had many invitations for Thanksgiving, but turned all but one down and then cancelled on the one I did accept.  I just wasn’t up to it.  Gotham and I had a quiet day at home.

December

I found out that the person hired to replace my replacement at my last job had quit.  She last two weeks.  So I guess it wasn't me after all, eh?

I’m still on the diet and hate my hair (not much has changed since last month).  I again went back to the stylist and we tried to get the highlights put back in.  It doesn’t look as good as it did before, but maybe we can work on it in future appointments.  The stupid red won’t go away!

As you know from my last post, I don't have to go back to my skin cancer doctor for 12 months!!!  I never heard anything after he took two large biopsies of my back, so I'm going to assume everything was clear.  I normally would have heard by now, so YIPPEE!!!

The end of the year always brings a lot to do with my work, so December has been really busy. 

For the first time since I started my new job, I took a few days off at Christmas to go visit my folks.  Since there is so much to do at the office at this time, I really had to prepare things for me being out.  Plus, I texted and called the office just about every day I was gone.  Only a couple of fires to put out, so that wasn’t too bad.

I decided to go off my diet for Christmas and visiting my parents.  The things is, when you’re a fat ass like I am, you feel guilty about every little thing you eat.  I went to buy some clothes and was very disappointed that I wasn’t a smaller size than what I fit into.  I guess I’ll have to really cut back when I start-up again on January 2^nd after being off program for 11 days.

We didn’t get any snow at my parent’s house this year, but it was cold.  It was around 27F during the day and 10F at night. 

I have to say, I think I know how my friend Sam’s husband feels like whenever he visits my cat.  He wants so bad for the cat to be friends with him, but my cat is having none of it.  He wants it too bad and the cat knows it.  Well, that’s how my parents two cats were to me until the 2^nd to last day I was there.  The night before I was supposed to leave, one of them FINALLY came up to me and sat on my lap.  He’d spent the rest of the time hiding.  The other cat either hid or stood just out of reach to be able to pet.  Fuckers.

I booked my first Uber rides to and from the airport for the trip.  The first one was awesome, it only cost $26.11 ($20 of which I had a coupon for), but the ride home…..  Jeez, the ride home was EXPENSIVE!!  When I got off the plane and was walking to baggage claim (I never check my bags unless I have to) I pulled up the Uber app and looked at my options.  There was a ride for about that same amount as when I went to the airport and I thought “cool, I’ll book it as soon as I have my bag”.  So I cruised over to baggage claim #2, wait for my bag to come out (about 15 mins), and pull up the app again as I’m walking out to the front of the airport.  Welllll, when it refreshed, the “pool” option and the one above it were no longer listed, so the cheapest one was $96 in a Lincoln Town Car.  WTF??!!??  In 15 minutes it went up $70 to $96?  Really Uber?  Well, I was kind of stuck, so I took it.  The whole point of taking Uber was so I could save a couple of bucks as this airport doesn’t have many parking options.  You can park at their lot or not park at all.  Since I’d never flown out of there before, I was short on choices that I was aware of.  To make myself feel better, I figured that I spent the same amount I would have had I parked there, so I can’t be too upset (yes I can). 

 By the time I got home I was exhausted, so I unpacked, showered, fixed dinner and a cocktail and was asleep by 5:30pm and slept all the way through to my alarm waking me up for work at 4:15am.

New Year’s will be low-key.  I have to drive up to my uncles’ house early Saturday morning to pick up the stuff he drove back for me from my parents’ house, but that shouldn’t take too long.  I plan on spending the day trying to clean my apartment before the New Year starts.  On New Year’s Day, I’m going to crack open the calendars I got and fill them in with all my numbers and dates.  After 8 years, I’ve finally given up on electronic calendars and phone books.  I’m tired of forgetting birthdays, anniversaries, concerts (Henry Rollins earlier this month, I’m looking at you) and appointments.  I bought two planners, one for work and one for home.

 WRAP-UP

I’ve had some amazing things happen this year, some heartbreaking losses and I have managed to ruin a great thing this year.  Do I have any regrets?  Yes, I do and that makes me sad.  I’m angry with myself and I hope I can make the changes necessary so that I won’t repeat the same mistakes in 2017.  I’m sure I’ll make plenty of mistakes, but hopefully just not the same ones.  Regardless of what happened this year, I'm grateful for everything.  I'm very fortunate and I know it.

 If I could do anything, it would be to apologize to the person who came back into my life for that brief period of time.  I hope they don’t think too badly of me.  I wouldn’t blame them if they did, but I hope they don’t.  I also hope that I hear from them someday.  I really do care about them a lot.

I hope everyone reading this has an amazing 2017.  I'm glad to be seeing the back of 2016. 

Bring on the new year!

Well, I had a little bit of good news last week, for the first time since 2011, I don't have to go back to my skin cancer doc for 12 months.... as long as the two biopsies he took come back clear.  I think they will, so I'm pretty happy about that.

We had our office Christmas party today. It was really nice for the most part (that one guy who is an asshole insisted on coming up to me and making an insulting comment, but he's a dick who's mad I'm taller than he is, younger than he is and people like me, whereas they hate him, so it didn't  bother me too much). The party was in the fancy penthouse of a restaurant in downtown. Lots of people were there, everyone was in a good mood, delicious nibbles were served and there was an open bar. I think I was in the minority, drinking diet soda though. No way was I gonna drink at a work function!  As usual, when I felt the time was right, I snuck out quietly without making a fuss.  I hope I don't get in trouble for leaving early, I think I bailed at about 4pm (it was supposed to go until 5pm).  I know I wasn't the first to leave, so I should be okay.  Boy, traffic really sucked, even at that early hour, so I'm glad I left when I did.

Tomorrow, I HAVE to buy toys to take in and donate Friday and Saturday.  I keep forgetting to do it!!!

To all my fellow Americans out there who do not have family nearby.....Happy Thanksgiving!

I know it sucks, but it's just one day.  I don't usually celebrate it, preferring to forego the invitations from my friends who host dinner for all their "strays". I went to a friends house last year, but I'm not sure about this year. I've received a few invitations, but I may sit this one out and just hang around the apartment. I dunno.

Again... It's just one day, plus, I have to work Friday. Last year I'd taken the week off.

Anyway, again - Happy Thanksgiving.

This election is doing nothing to help me out of my weeks long funk.

I only hope that tomorrow will bring a win for, who I feel, is the most qualified (and dignified) candidate.

Wow, Friday night at EC's was both fun and horrifying. Mainly horrifying though.   I'll go into it at a later date, I'm still processing.

I was really sad to hear Kevin Meaney passed away. He was one of my all time favorite comedians and I'm thankful that I was fortunate enough to see him perform a few times over the years.

I'm on call for jury duty this week. Not knowing if I'm going to get called sucks!  It's hard to schedule meetings, etc if you don't know if you're going to be in the office or not from one day to the next.

That, coupled with some uncertainty I've got going on in my life....... I don't know how to fix certain things. I want everyone to be happy, but I don't think I can make that happen.

 Truth be told, I'm feeling really down.  Really down.

Looks like we're meeting at EC's in a bit. The good part is that Mexican food and margarita's sound really good right now. The crummy part is that a bus drove by while I was waiting to cross the street and I have 20 mins to wait until the next one!

I had my EIGHTH package of the year stolen from my apartment building hallway last night.  That kind of stuff never happened to me at other apartment buildings! This one was another Christmas gift I was going to give to my mom. At this rate, I won't have any money left to get her anything nice!

So frustrating.

Bring on the tacos and margarita's!!!! 15 more minutes until the next bus......

I know I've been terrible about posting, sorry!

It turns out the migraine I mentioned in my last post wasn't a one-off, stand alone occurrence.  Instead, it lead to me having cluster migraines (look them up if you aren't familiar with them, please) over the past few weeks.  They've been horrific. I went to the doctor to try and get either an injectible prescription or a nasal spray prescription (it's impossible to take a pill once a migraine has started), but only one comes in either form (Imitrex) and I can't take it as it makes me sick.

My doctor (and, coincidentally, my father...who also suffers from migraines) suggested that I get Botox injections as a preventative treatment. I got a referral to a neurologist, so I just need to try and set-up an appointment.  I've called a few times, but haven't been able to get through to the scheduler.  I've been extraordinarily fortunate enough to be pretty much wrinkle-free thus far, so I find it odd that I may be getting Botox shots.  My dad has said in the past that, while the shots didn't eliminate his migraines altogether, they have been life changing. Dude,  I just hope they work and that my insurance covers them. I'm tired of feeling shitty and on the verge of being sick!  Wish me luck!

Apart from being out of commission in a darkened room, throwing-up and wanting to die, I have only managed to do one thing over the past month. That was helping my friend with the grand opening of her store.  It was a blazing hot day, but I got to see folks I used to work with. It was a fun experience. Sam and I are trying to plan getting together for cocktails this Friday at either EC's or someplace up by them (I'll stay the night if that's what we do).

Work has been good.  The office has closed early most fridays, which is pretty sweet.

Can I say that I can't wait for this election to be over? The whole thing makes me feel gross.

That's about it for now. Gotham has jumped up on my lap and needs some attention....

This is probably going to sound dramatic-- I know, I know, you're thinking "Dramatic? Robin? Nooooooooooooo", right?

So, anyway......I feel pretty terrible about last week. Emotionally and physically. Last Friday morning I woke up to some really crappy news in the mail, then when I went to get into the car to go to work, it started making a new noise (that didnt sound good at all), when I got to work, everyone was in a bad mood (I mean EVERYONE), some things I had lined-up and ready to go, ended-up not being ready to go and then everyone left early, but I had to stay late.  Everything that could go wrong, went wrong.

After work I had plans to go out to dinner and to a concert. I feel terrible that my mood was so crappy going into it. I was doing my best to try and change it, but not having much luck. The thing is, I was so focused on trying to improve my mood that I didn't realize what was really going on with me.

My normally acute sense of smell was stuck on hyperdrive. When I got into the car to go to dinner, I could smell everyone and everything that had ever been in the car and it was making me nauseous. I felt like I should have been wearing sunglasses as the sun was still so bright. A bus was next to the car and the sound of the air brakes felt like it almost ruptured my ear drums.  I'm trying to hold a conversation while all this was going on. Asking questions, answering questions, etc. trying to focus, but not having too much luck. I feel really bad about that. I mean, REALLY bad.

We got to the restaurant and it was really nice and the food seemed to be very good. I was going to order a cocktail, but something in my head told me to get an iced tea. The craving made sense later on, but I thought it was kind of weird at that moment. I tried to eat, but only managed a few bites. It was good, I just couldn't eat. The atmosphere of the restaurant was calm and soothing. Very nice.

When we were done with dinner, we walked over to the concert hall for the show and the smells, sights and sounds started bombarding me again. Not the music, but the audience surrounding us. Arguments, bad breath, B.O., everything.  Once the house lights came down, it got better.  The music was amazing. I'd really been looking forward to this show for weeks. It was an historic concert and I'm grateful I could be there.

After I got home, I pretty much went straight to bed. At 1:17am I woke up thinking my head was going to explode, rushing to the bathroom to be sick. I knew it wasn't food poisoning since I hadn't really eaten much. Of course, after a few minutes I realized it was a migraine. One of the worst I've had in years. If you have never had one, I guess there is no way you will understand. You probably think they are just bad headaches, but they're not. You get to a point where you want someone to come and shoot you in the head to put you out of your misery. I was at that point for most of the weekend. The thing is, once they hit, unless you have an injectible prescription, a melt prescription or an inhalant prescription, it's too late to take anything because you can't keep it down. I don't have any of those three, so I was out of luck. The only time you feel a tiny bit better is right after throwing up, but it starts up again within a minute or so. Sleeping in a dark, cool room seems to be the only thing that you can do. Sometimes a cold bath helps, not always though.  Two straight days of vomiting, crying and wanting to die (no food, only water), then another two-three days of slowly starting to feel better. In all, 5 days of being out of commission.

Looking back over the day, I should have seen the signs: heightened senses of smell, sound and sight, edgy temperament, the craving of the iced tea (caffeine is a vasoconstrictor and an ingredient in my migraine medicine), which explains why I felt a little better leaving the restaurant. The weird thing is, usually when I have a migraine coming on, my pallor changes, my temperature drops a little and my pupils change. None of that happened this time.

I tried to apologize at one point or another to everyone I may have been rude or "off" to. Most everyone knows me and understood. I'm so fortunate to have people in my life who care enough to realize what was going on, cut me some slack and not get mad. Just about everyone said something to the effect of "I knew something was going on, you weren't your normal self, it's okay".

I finally felt back to normal on Wednesday. Just in time to get ready for everything I have to do this weekend. I had a bunch of things I was supposed to do last weekend that are pushed to this one, so it's going to be a little hectic.

I'm glad I'm feeling better though. I really do appreciate it when I don't feel crummy.

So, on Friday I drove for 8 hours, covered about 500 miles and arrived at my parents house exhausted! Luckily, I was able to leave work early, so I got to their place at about 7pm.

I had a really good time with my folks. I was able to relax a little and catch-up with both of them. I was sad to leave this morning.

Today it was a repeat of Friday, except I pulled away from their house at 6am and got home at 2pm.

I have to say, I went a different route to their than what I usually take, and I live in a truly beautiful state. I haven't driven up by Mammoth in over 20 years and the parts north of there in about 40 years (when I was a kid). It brought back so many good memories.....and maybe an itch to go camping.  If I do go camping, I'm not gonna be doing the driving any time soon, lol! It will take a while for me to recover from this!

The only really shitty apart about this different route (apart from the desert part) is that there are a bunch of areas that the speed limit goes: 70 65 55 45 35 25. And you can't speed! I saw tickets being given all along the way. It's hard to slow down that fast, especially when there are big trucks on your bumper!

I was told on Friday, before I left work, that they wanted me to go to a new office tomorrow and help train people. I wish it could be Wednesday instead, since that guy I work with that's been out of the country is due back tomorrow and we had a meeting scheduled....that's not going to go over too well!

Now, I'm gonna lay around and do nothing.

Work has been good. After a few difficult encounters with a guy I work with who is a jerk, my boss  agreed that it would be best for everyone involved if we didn't have anything to do with each other any more (he's on the other side of the office and needs to stay there!).  Sooooo, now I almost never see or talk to the asshole now. No more abusive or inappropriate comments from him, hooray! It's been so nice not getting angry and having to hold it in anymore, lol.

One of the other guys I work with has been out of the country for the past couple of weeks, so I've been watching his book of business and taking care of his clients while he's been out. It's been really stressful, but good. The downside is that, by the time I get home from work, I'm usually dead and drained. It's been early nights to sleep after a cocktail most evenings!! He's due back next week sometime, so I'm looking forward to that.  

I've wanted to call in sick a few times since that guy has been out of the country, but I've had to suck it up and come in to work so I can look after those clients, plus I had a few really big meetings last week and one more tomorrow that I've had to attend, as I'm the reason the meetings were able to be set-up in the first place (yay for me).

I don't know if I'm getting sick or if it's allergies, but I've been having to take my migraine medication like it's candy and have added allergy stuff to the mix over the past couple of days. My head feels a little better, but it's like I'm always on the verge of a full blown migraine, which is physically exhausting. My back has been hurting too. I think I retain a lot of my stress in my back. I had a masseuse tell me that once, so it must be true, right? Maybe I can book a massage one of these days. I got a pedicure this past weekend when I went up to visit a friend and I was really disappointed. I paid extra for a good foot massage and she only spent a few minutes on them and she even hit the bottoms of my feet a few times! Who does that? That hurts, that doesn't feel good!

I'm a mess!! (Nothing new there, right?)

I spent some time this past Saturday with a friend who lives out in the IE now. I haven't seen her in a while since she lives so far away, so it was nice to spend time catching-up. We went to dinner and the movies and had a good time. I was thinking about it, and this year is the 25th year we have been friends. It just doesn't seem right that I'm old enough to have had friends for that long,

Fingers-crossed I can leave work a bit early Friday as I have a LOOOOOONG drive planned that day. I'm not looking forward to being in the car for hours on end, driving while I feel shitty, but I'm looking forward to the trip. Again, gotta suck it up and get shit done. 😀

Hooray! This fucking crummy week is over!!!  Today seemed to take forever to pass!

Apart from getting my annual blood work done tomorrow, I think I have a pretty free weekend, which I'm excited about. I think I may meet some friends at LACMA tomorrow to see an exhibit that ends this weekend, but I'm not sure I can make it back to that side of town in time. Hopefully we can go to lunch afterwards if I can't get there when I need to.

I'm really hoping it's cooler this weekend, so I can go through my bookcases, cupboards and closets to clean things out without getting heat stroke. It's been so hot the past two months, I haven't gotten anything done around the apartment. The dresser and hope chest my dad brought down are still in exactly the same place they were put in the living room when he dropped them off. Although, everyone knows it's super-classy to have a dresser in your living room, as long as your cat lounges on top of it (as mine does) so maybe that should stay where it is. Ha!

I also want to try and make it to Ulta and Target, for purely selfish reasons of course!

Jeez, crummy day today. I really hope tomorrow is better! I couldn't sleep, so I've been up since about 2am.  I had to go into work early for a deal that was going to price and everyone seemed to want to be an asshole all day long.  At one point, I just got up and went to the ladies room to wash my hands and take some deep breaths. I didn't want to say anything I might regret!!!

I think I'm going to sit on the couch and have a cocktail.  Maybe more than just one...

My Amazon Echo arrived on Friday.... Oh my gosh!!! It's both creepy and fucking fantastic!

"Alexa! What is the news?"

Then she plays the headlines from NPR!

I'll be honest though, Alexa doesn't have the great sense of humor that Siri has. If you ask her childish questions like "Alexa! What is your favorite food?", she answers that she doesn't understand the question. At least Siri makes something up! Yes, I routinely ask available AI dumb questions. I'm 5 years-old.

You guys, I wasted an ENTIRE Saturday listening to comedy podcasts!  I moved from couch to the chair to another couch to a different chair.  Then I picked-up the Echo and took it in the bedroom when it was time to retire for the evening.

I didn't do anything productive while I was listening either,  I pretty much just listened while I had the TV on mute.

What did I listen to? Thanks for asking! I caught up on "The Smartest Man in the World" podcasts with Greg Proops, "The Todd Glass Show", "The Steven Brody Stevens Festival of Friendship", "You Make it Weird".... And a few more.

What do they have in common? They're all comedy and they're all LOOOOONG.

I need to figure out a way to listen to the podcasts while doing other stuff, like maybe cleaning up my filthy, filthy apartment. Doing two things at once is going to be a major challenge. Am I up for it? Probably not. I'll keep you posted.

"Alexa! What time is it?"

Alexa: "5:25 am"

Crap, I gotta get my act in gear and get my iced tea to go to work!!

So happy today is Friday! It's been a good week, but I can't wait to sleep in a little and FINALLY get some laundry done.  I've got a quilt AND a duvet cover taking up a lot of room in my dirty laundry hamper, so I'd like to get that taken care of.

I received the part for my car that I hope will take care of the problem I've been having with it.  It should only take a couple of minutes for David to swap out the part, so it looks like a quick trip to Pasadena is on the schedule for Sunday morning. Fingers-crossed this fixes it!!!!  I'm tired of my car acting weird.

I told most of you guys about having to get rid of my very expensive, very beautiful rug.....because of the fucking moths that invaded my apartment because of one of my neighbors.  I thought that getting rid of the destroyed rug (I've never seen moths do damage to a rug before) and going through clothes, killing every moth I see, would take care of the problem.  I was WRONG!!!

Luckily, I decided to wait until I hadn't seen a moth for a week before I unrolled the new 6x9 rug I bought (still safely shrink-wrapped in plastic) to replace the one I threw away. It was five days and I thought "hooray, I can put the rug down soon!". Noooooope. All of a sudden, I'm seeing three moths a day! I'm probably going to have to toss out another rug I moved into the living room temporarily, as I think maybe it had a few moths hidden in it that I'd missed when I was going through everything. This is bullshit!!! I'm tired of throwing out pretty and pricey rugs, all because I did a favor for a neighbor.

I'm also going to rearrange some of my furniture and maybe look into getting a storage unit to move some of my seasonal stuff and boxes (and boxes and boxes) of comics and CDs to. Since I am probably going to be moving in the 8-10 months, it might be easier to move this stuff out now (since I never go into the boxes anyway) and that way I don't have to pay The REAL Rock N Roll Movers to do it (they are the BEST movers, look-up their story, it's awesome).

I don't need to get a pedicure, but I really want to change the color of my toes and get a foot rub, so I think I'm going to try and fit one in this weekend. Yaaaassss! Foot rubs rule!

The plumber came Wednesday and replaced most of the pipes/hoses under my bathroom sink, so I guess it wasn't my lack of plumbing skills that caused me to be unable to fix the problems last weekend. PLUS, the cuts on my hands are almost healed. Bonus!

I can tell that it's gonna be a good day today, I can feel it. I'm going to pay my bills, have a few conference calls, maybe buy a stock I've been looking at (if the price comes down to where I want it). I'm looking forward to starting the day!

This past weekend was fun. I got to see my dad for a little bit, went up and hung out with friends for a while and tried my hand at fixing a plumbing issue. I totally failed in the plumbing dept and cut up my thumb and index finger, but it was fun nonetheless.

Add to that the fact I had a very good day today and I can honestly say I'm happy, so hooray for that!

All is good.

I'm confused these days. My instincts are usually fairly accurate (not anywhere near perfect, but sometimes accurate). I'm not sure how to feel, so, of course, I end-up feeling terrible. Which I do right now.

I had a birthday recently and, weirdly, this year was better than what I've experienced in a long time.  Even though I just started my job, most of the folks at work who found out either gave me a card or a gift. It wasn't necessary, but it touched my heart. One of my brokers brought me breakfast, took me to lunch AND (the best part) smoked me a rack of ribs and gave me beer to go with it.  I'm really not into gifts or money, so the fact that he spent time and his immeasurable talent, making food for me honestly made me tear-up. I was, and still am, deeply touched.

Tonight I went out with Samantha and David for dinner at EC's. Danny (bartender) flirted with me, which was nice since I feel fat and old. The drinks and food were amazing.

I may be old and single (old maid, party of one), but I love my friends.

I am truly fortunate.

So far the holiday weekend is going well. I decided to not wait for my friends to make time in their schedules and saw X-Men: Apocalypse by myself this morning at the first showing. Good movie, if not a bit under-developed in some areas.

I've had some car issues, so I took it up to the dealer yesterday to have them check it out. Thankfully, I got it back today. Parking in my neighborhood is too difficult with just a visitor pass, so I'm glad to have my car back so quickly.

The folks are in-town, so I am going to meet them for dinner tomorrow night. Should be fun. I think I'm going to bake something for my dad before I head out.  I have a ton of errands to run before I meet them at their hotel, so I have to really try to keep to the schedule I wrote out.

Monday, I am walking in a charity 5-K walk for disabled veterans, then I have to go to breakfast with our team (that's a new, unexpected development), then hook up with a friend of mine to celebrate her birthday.

Yikes! It's gonna be a tight schedule!

Luckily, part of the birthday celebrations for my friend includes pedicures.....which, while I don't need it, I'm defitely looking forward to it.

I hope it's not hot the next few days......

My self confidence, the little I had anyway, took a big hit yesterday. Not my confidence in my ability to do my job (that's fine), my personal self confidence. All it took was a couple of comments over lunch. I'm sure they weren't serious and it wasn't a situation where the other person was being mean on purpose. In fact, the person who made them said they were kidding, and I'm sure they were, but I was crushed. I still am.

I'm sure I will get over it, but its going to take some time. I'll pretend like nothing happened and that things are fine, but, honestly, they're not.

I woke up and a little while ago (out of the blue) and decided to check my email and happened to notice a daily email from an Australian paper that contained some big news for oldies like me.....

Midnight Oil is reforming and planning a world tour in 2017!!!!

Anyone who even remotely knows me will be aware that this is a VERY big deal.  The Oils are one of only three bands that I will 1) see on a weeknight no matter what, 2) will see at a venue that's general admission and 3) will travel to shows not in my area.

The Oils haven't toured since 2001 (Peter Garrett being in Parliament sort of broke the band up) so it's been 15 years since the last time I saw them live. No word on if there will be a new album or if they are gonna just play from the existing catalogue. They have a huge bank of music to draw from, so, no matter what. The shows are gonna be awesome.

Fuck yeah bitches, I'm excited!!!!! (And I don't get excited about much!).

It's gonna be a good day today!!!!!

Well folks, I did it. I passed my licensing exam!  I got a score of 82%, which blows my mind.  I thought for sure I was failing it when I was halfway through.  Imagine my shock when I saw I passed with such a high score....

I honestly hope I do not have to get any more licenses, the stress sucked!

The countdown is on and I'm really freaked and stressed out.

I take my next licensing exam this next Saturday and I'm not at all confident that I'm going to pass.  I've been studying a lot since January 28th (when I got my online access), but nothing seems to be sinking-in.  Every time I open the book and start-up the online lectures, it's like the first time I'm hearing/reading it.  Yesterday alone, I studied for about seven hours.  Today will probably be about the same, then Monday through Friday I'll spend each afternoon/evening taking the online final exams.

This thing is at the back of my mind all day, every day.  I always think I should be studying, so then I get stressed out when I'm not. My friends know I have problems sleeping and this hasn't helped.

It's been tough studying for the exam, plus learning a new job and trying to get every day stuff done.  It turns out that I was supposed to have been able to study at work for at least an hour each day, but I didn't find out until after we were well into March. Plus, with the folks I work with, I wouldn't have had the chance anyway.

I need to pass this exam for my job, so I hope that, when the time comes, I'll be able to pull the information out when I need it and that this time next week I will have my new license.

Fingers-crossed!!!

I got up early this morning, stripped the bed and got the laundry done. Like I said, every day stuff doesn't stop just because I have an exam.  I still have to put clean sheets back on the bed, once I have aired the mattress out, folded the clothes I got out of the dryer, put everything away.  Then I will crack the books.

My place smells like Gain from all the clothes I have hang drying all over the place. It smells good.

Once I'm done with this test, I really need to deep clean my apartment. It's gross here. Plus I have things I need to return to the outlet mall. I should probably look at the receipt and see how long I have. Either that or I have to lose a bunch of weight to fit into the pants I got. I hate that stores aren't consistent with their sizing. And I hate the fact that I'm fat.

I feel scattered! Sorry if this post was disjointed.

Okay, so my extra huge flat, yet fat ass needs to get to the gym, so I had to call the one I belong to today, because I can't find my card. It's been so long since I've actually set foot inside a gym, that I was surprised to learn that they have card-less entry now.

So early tomorrow, since I now have my membership number, I plan on going over and setting everything up and maybe fit in getting a workout. I'm hoping it will be an easy process and maybe I can start going after work. I've been having problems sleeping again, so maybe if I work out, I will be tired when I get home and maybe get to sleep when I want to go to bed.  I've been averaging only a couple of hours a night the last few weeks.

I guess I've had a lot in my mind.

What do people wear to workout these days?

I was supposed to go to the special Thrilling Adventure Hour performance last night, but I really needed to try and study and get some sleep. I failed miserably on both counts.

Hopefully physical exertion will help.

I also need to get a pedicure at some point this weekend.....much more fun than working out, I think. Ha!

Happy Birthday (a day late) CBLMW.

Between the newjob and studying, time got away from me. I hope you had a wonderful birthday.  I always think of you around Easter. And bags of candy.

Work has been busy.  I know I promised myself that I wasn't going to work any weekends, I think I'm going to head over on Sunday. I need some peace and quiet to get things done. Plus, I'm hoping I can focus on studying a little.

A little over a month in and I'm still enjoying the new job.  I really like most of my co-workers a lot...

I got really sick last week, so I'm still recovering from that. I hate being sick!

I'm not sure if I mentioned it, but a friend of mine of 34 years passed away. Their memorial service is coming-up. I'm torn about going. Is that terrible of me?  I'm tired of being sad and crying. I'm not sure who the memorial is geared towards. If it's friends and family, I'll go. If it's more of a work thing, I'll pass.

The studying for my next license has stalled since I've been sick. A lot has. Gotta get back on track. Not tonight though. Tonight, I'm going to hit the sack early.

I'm 100 years-old.

The new job is going fairly well. One of the guys I work with forgets that I just started and don't really know a lot of the software, etc., but still has me start really complicated and difficult projects.  He's nice though, so I can't get too agitated. Yet.

One of the other guys is amazing. I'm very surprised we haven't met before I started the job. He grew-up near me, went to the same schools, worked for one of the same companies, owned the same uncommon breed of dog and knows a lot of the same people. We're about 2 years off in age, but it's still weird. He's cool people, a super-conservative libertarian, but cool nonetheless.

All of the other folks just want to help and make me feel welcome. I dig it.  It's a small office, but compared to the last job, where it was just me most of the time, it seems like it's teeming with people!

I'm enjoying my new job and especially the work hours. I haven't really been taking a lunch most days, but the hours go by quickly, so I don't notice it at the time.  My car has been acting-up, but taking the bus hasn't been a problem. It's a straight shot each way and usually takes 30 minutes or less. Compared to the commute to my last job, it's a breeze. When I drive, it's even shorter!

I'll report back later.

Okay, so I had to work my last day at my old job yesterday. It sucked working the holiday and not having a break between jobs, but it is what it is. I will miss my bosses wife and I will really miss the gal we had as a file clerk, but I made the right decision.

Driving in for my first day of work this morning just felt "right". My hours aren't as early as they were when I worked in the business before (no way I was gonna work 5am to 3pm with no lunch, plus most Sunday's), but driving into downtown while it's still dark seemed so normal. It only took about 15 minutes to get to work, and that's erring on the long side.  I stayed 30 minutes over, hit every red light between the office and home and still made it home in a little under 30 minutes. My combined commute today was half the time it would normally take me to get home from my last job!  Plus, I didn't have to stress about finding a parking space once I got home!  I turned the corner to my street and BAM! Parking right there!

I have a lot to learn with the new job, but it's all vaguely familiar. I only hope I can pick it up quickly.  I really want to do well.

So far, the only drawback with the new job is that I'm working with a guy I used to REALLY butt heads with when I was in downtown before. I'd heard he moved to this firm, but they didn't tell me I'd actually be working with him! We had a long chat about working together and came to a (sort of) agreement. We'll see how long it lasts before he becomes abusive, which he is prone to do.

My only real concern now is my car. The last few times I've gotten in it to start it, it has felt like it didn't want to start.  I have felt this before with my car and it isn't good.  I think the alternator is going. That's around $1,000!!!! I just took a job that, while it has A LOT of potential in the long-term, in the short-term, it amounts to a 25% pay cut, so I'd rather not have to pay that out right now. I'm having it looked at this Saturday morning. Fingers-crossed it starts okay the rest of the week. I've worked-out bus and metro routes to work if I need them, but I'd rather not use them if I don't have to.

I know things won't be perfect at my new job, no job is, but I really, REALLY hope this is a good move for me.  The company has an excellent reputation and I really like my manager and people I'm going to be working with.

It will be nice to be a cog in a machine, rather than the machine. For the first time in almost 20 years, I won't have the weight of an entire office (or more) on my shoulders. I'm so tired of being responsible for everyone else.  What a change it will be to only have a few people to keep on the straight and narrow!!!

I can't wait.....

The new candidate / temp started yesterday. I was hoping that I would be able to actually train her, but my bosses keep interrupting and giving me "rush" items to do and weird, once-in-a-blue-moon personal crap to do.  Plus, they have been coming in each day (although, they won't be in Thursday, they have a landscape guy coming to the house...gotta have your priorities, right?), which is always counter-productive.  I asked for them to bring in the other gal (who trained me) today, you know-- to pick up the slack, but they decided that a good use of my time and the candidate's time is to finish the mailing portion of our quarterly project.  Folding materials, stuffing, sealing and putting postage on envelopes.  Yup, that's WAY more important than training or finishing pending items.

I guess they are just going to have to be good with me not wrapping everything up on my desk and actually finishing some training before I leave.  Disappointing.

I should tell them that I changed my mind and I am taking back my offer to work the MLK holiday Monday.  I thought we'd be working hard training and would need the extra day.  Sure, I'd wanted a break before starting my new job, but I was willing to take the hit in order to benefit my replacement.  But if their priorities are this out of line, why should I put in the personal time?  A holiday weekend sounds good right about now!

Ack, this stress has caused me to put on weight!  Well, the stress-induced stuffing of my face with trail mix, zucchini bread (made with my new Kitchen Aid mixer) and candy, has caused me to put on weight. I'm wearing my fat pants!!!

And I've been up since 3am. Better than yesterday though.  I woke-up at 2:30am yesterday.

I got word Friday that I definitely have the new job.  Yay!  I start on Tuesday, the 19th.  Unfortunately, my current bosses have asked that I work the holiday on the 18th, so I won't be getting any kind of break between jobs.  I initially gave 2 weeks notice, with my last day being the 15th.  If they would have taken that (as most employers would have), I would have had a nice holiday weekend between jobs......plus, I wouldn't have to deal with a paycheck with one day on it. I guess I should have them deactivate my automatic IRA contribution for that check, it will will eat-up my entire earnings for the day!

Okay, so maybe I was naive to think that things would get easier at work once I resigned....

Every day this week has been a nightmare. Not just the workload (it's time for our quarterly project), but dealing with my boss trying to get me to stay.  So far he has used money, sympathy and guilt. Actually, he has used all of them many times. He has promised to change things, but I know he won't, which is why he is now relying heavily on money and the prospect of more money down the line.  I suppose I should be flattered that he wants me to stay this badly, but come on.  He is only doing it because he doesn't want to go through the process of getting someone new.

I really hope I get a concrete decision soon from the job offer I received (they weren't done checking stuff this morning). I just want to put this all behind me.  I'm exhausted. Forget about sleep.  I've gotten, maybe,  15 hours of sleep this week, total. That's including the 8 hours I got Sunday night.

I look like shit. I feel like shit. I'm sure I'm behaving like shit as well. So, sorry to everyone who has had to deal with me! I don't usually cry this much, I promise....

My new year has been really complicated.  You might be rolling your eyes right now, but it's true.

How, you ask? Well,  New Years Eve I saw I had three emails from a company I was interested in working for: An offer letter, a request for additional information and an explanatory email. What makes it so complicated? A couple of things:

First is that I'd requested to be able to give two weeks notice and the offer letter had my start date as pretty much two weeks from the day I got it, counting the two holidays we have this month, but NOT counting the time it takes for them to run the reference and background checks.

Secondly, because of the above, that meant I had to give notice at my current job yesterday. New. Years. Day. I was sick from it all New Year's Eve. I called them yesterday morning (after picking-up my phone and putting it down again a thousand times) to see if I could stop by their house, but reached voicemail at the two numbers I called. My anxiety was at an all time high.  They saw the missed call and called me a while later and I arranged to stop by yesterday afternoon. They called me again to push the meeting back 30 minutes. It was in that call that they asked what it was about. I felt pressured, so I told them (and started crying). We decided to meet a bit later in the day, but I felt a little better that they knew.

The extra twist, and I let my bosses know this, is that I was resigning without actually officially having the new job, because I respect them enough to give them as much notice as possible. I was risking being unemployed in order to do the right thing by them. They really seemed to appreciate that.

Actually, the whole thing went well. They really understood my reasons and didn't want me to quit, but offered to give me a good reference if I needed one. I am grateful to them for that.

When I get the new job officially, I will be working in downtown. I used to hate working in downtown, but having worked in Brentwood, I realized that downtown was much more central and easier to commute to/from. That includes to/from home and getting to/from doctors appointments, etc. Working at my old job, I scheduled my appointments after work and they average 25 minutes from downtown, whereas it takes over two hours to get to Brentwood after my appointments, which I currently have to schedule in the morning.

My new hours will be great, 6:30-3:00. It's a compromise between my old job and the job I have now.    Not hellaciously early (at my old job, I was getting to work at 5am), but not really late (I get to work at 9am now). Being able to leave the office at 3pm will be great. That's when I used to get off work when I was in downtown. The commute will be so much shorter! Right now, my commute to work is 30-35 minutes if traffic is light. Going to downtown earlier in the day, it will be between 10-15 minutes. Currently, my drive home is at least 1 hour (with average traffic...with heavy traffic it's 1 1/2 - 2 hours). With the new job it will be around 20-30 minutes.

I'm sure the new job won't be perfect, nothing is, but there is a lot of potential for advancement that I don't currently have. Plus, it will save my licenses. You're only allowed to be out of the business 2 years before they expire and that clock, for me, runs out at the start of April. Scary part is, I have to get another license within my first 90 days of starting. Fingers-crossed I can do it!!!  I'm not a good test taker, that's for sure. The new license is not optional, so I will have to do whatever it takes to study and pass the exam.

Please send your good vibes my way that I officially get this job! I do not want to be unemployed!!!!