I have to admit it, aside from the state of the world, the economy, work, etc., personal life-wise, 2023 has been a really challenging year for me. Having to make the end of life decision for Gotham has affected me so much more than I ever thought it would (I’m the one with a heart of ice, remember? LOL!). Because of the acute sense of guilt I feel, I’m always aware of an underlying low grade sadness present within me at all times. The random every day crying has stopped though, which is good. I still find myself crying every once in a while but it’s no longer hampering my every day life. I’ve been told it’s normal to go through this, especially when you’ve had a pet/companion for as long as I did. 16 1/2 years with the most perfect sassy asshole cat is a long time. I miss him so much.

The kitten I adopted in December, hoping to rejuvenate Gotham a little (didn’t work, he fucking hated him) and to help get me through losing him when the time came, has been a mixed bag. I took the advice other people gave me and didn’t get a black kitten, I got a precious short-haired tabby cat with the biggest eyes and ears I’ve ever seen and loudest purrs I’ve ever heard.  I don’t know if it’s a result of my grief, but I don’t **love** him yet. I **like** him very much, but I don’t love him. He’s just such a different personality. This cat doesn’t really talk to me, bump heads or nuzzle. He does however get into everything! Cupboards, sinks, toilets, boxes, drawers….everything.  He’s also either full speed racing around knocking things over (or pulling living room curtains down! He also climbs up my pants leg while I’m wearing them!) or he’s dead asleep, exhausted from all the chaos he’s caused.  I’m about to change his name to Conan The Destroyer, LOL! He is also weirdly obsessed with the toilet, whether you’re using it or not!

I’ve made a point of giving the Master of Destruction lots of affection and love, even if my heart isn’t totally into it, it’s not his fault my heart is still mending. He’s helping get me through this and I’m grateful. Plus, he’s just so adorable.  

I’ve read that having 2 cats will help calm rambunctious cats down and I really miss having a black cat, so I’m going to start looking at black shelter kittens starting 3/23.  I know whichever kitten chooses me won’t be the same as Gotham, but it will be nice to have another mini panther around the house….and someone to calm the kitten the fuck down!

Well, it’s another rainy Saturday, so we’re going to hang out around the house and ignore all the chores that need to get done!