You know how every so often you get hit with a truth that you always knew was there, but it still always comes as, if not a shock, a disappointment? Each and every time?

I've been reminded (by myself, no one else) that I'm a coward in some respects. While I normally like to take problems and issues head-on, there are just some things that I try not to think about, because if I don't, they don't exist. But mine is a two-prong issue. I don't think about the issue, so I get a small space of time where I have relief because it doesn't exist, then I get reminded of it and then I stress out overtime and obsess , until I can put it aside again.

Innocuous example: my car. I made a decision a while back that I wasn't going to get a new car for two years. I like my current car and I really can't afford a big car payment coupled with an increased insurance premium that comes with a new car or a lease. I only drive about 8 miles each way to /from work, so my car doesn't get a lot of miles put on it. Plus, I already know what I want my next car to be and I want to stick with my 2-year plan and not get a used car car that will put off me getting the other car I really want.

Anyway....

My sweet ride just came back from having work done on, but still needs A LOT more done to it. Nothing that will cause it to stop running, but necessary repairs for safety, etc. Well, honestly, my car isn't worth the money needed to make those repairs, so I've been ignoring the issue. Until I get into my car. Then I start imagining that the expensive thing I just got fixed (that caused it to stall when I was at stop lights, etc.) wasn't fixed and that I'm going to be that asshole blocking traffic in the west side during rush hour. Then I start thinking about what would happen if I got into an accident because I haven't made those other repairs. This goes on and on until I'm out of the car and able to take my mind off it......until I get back in the car.

(The only thing I have in my defense is that I'm going to take my M1 license exam in the next week or so. Then I need to either take a skills test or a class to waive that requirement. When I get all that done, I may get a Vespa and keep my car for emergencies or inclement weather.)

Yup, I'm a full-on coward. It's not just the car either. If it was, it wouldn't be an issue.  I thought I was better than that. Avoidance isn't a good trait.

:-(

Yay, President Obama is in town, I'll get to REALLY put in some freaking-out / obsession time tonight while I'm stuck in traffic on the way home.

Pathetic? Absolutely.