Well, it’s been 3 days and it hasn’t gotten any easier. I’m pretty much a mess, crying at random things. Going to work helps distract me a little, but I still come home to the memories. Oddly, the responsibility of having the kitten keeps me going. Having to feed him and clean the cat box has been something to drive me forward. There’s no one else to do it. He doesn’t know what’s going on, he only lived with Gotham for about 5-6 weeks. Luckily, not a lot of people have been in the office this week, I’ve been a hot mess. Between the crying, minimal make up, wrinkled clothes and hair scraped back into a ponytail… I’ve been fortunate that the folks who have been there are animal lovers and understand and give me random hugs during the day when I need it. Right now I’m looking for a lockable wooden box to put him cremains and favorite toys, collar, etc. into once I get the word the cremains are ready to be picked-up. I’d like to also get the top engraved or have a nice metal plate engraved and attached to it. I’ve decided that I will be getting another black cat in a couple of months. I know it sounds silly, but just in case spirits do exist, I’m going to wait for one to find me that was born on or after 1/23/23. There will never be a companion like Gotham. It’s still raw and hurts so much. I’m reading books to help. One day at a time, right?

I knew this day was coming. Gotham is gone. 1.23.2023. Almost 16 1/2 years old. Just got home from the vet and I am utterly broken. Decimated. Destroyed. I can’t stop crying. The kitten doesn’t know what’s going on, so he’s no comfort. He’s chewing on cords. 

I loved Gotham so much. It’s hard to understand if you’ve never had a pet you were as connected to as I was to him. Part of me is gone.  He just wasn’t getting better and was skin and bones. I tried everything, but his kidneys were done.

Taking tomorrow off work. I’m in no shape to go in, but I don’t know what to do with myself either.

To say I’m going to miss him seems inadequate. Again, I loved that cat more than anything.

I’m just broken and sad.