It’s been an interesting time since I last posted.

I had a gal come in that was supposed to help me clear some of my crap out and unblock the negative energy in my apartment.  Now, I must preface any comments by saying she was great.  She knows her stuff and was super-nice.  Was it worth the money?  I’m not so sure.  I did unload a ton of stuff, BUUUUUUUUUT, I could have done that with a really no-nonsense friend.  I was really disappointed that we weren’t able to get to documents and stuff like that.  It’s was 5 hours of “Do you love this?” because, according to the rules, I shouldn’t keep anything I don’t love.  The thing is, I had to put a bunch of stuff on the “do not discuss” list (comics, cd’s, my CBLMW box, record albums, etc.).  It ended-up being okay because we were kept busy with the huge amount of other stuff I have.  Besides, since I have the clown car of apartments, I got rid of so much stuff, yet seem to have even more left than what I started with!

I got rid of about 2 minivans worth of stuff.  The lava lamps and concert shirts were the most difficult to let go of.  The fact that I knew they were going to good homes made it much easier.  I've got great friends who will take care of and cherish everything I let go of, and for that I'm grateful.

The weird thing is, right after I did that first stage of the big clear out, I had the worst luck!!!  The shittiest week in ages.  I mean, REALLY bad.  Work and home both.

Plus, now my apartment is a wreck.  Between pulling shit off shelves, out of cupboards, closets and out of drawers, it’s a mess.  I’ve had a couple of things going on since then, so I haven’t had a really good chance to clean-up or get stuck in and do more.

The next "out of the ordinary thing" was that I reached out and got a hold of my cousin (on my mom’s side).  I hadn’t seen  or spoken with her in 14 years, so, for some reason, I thought we should re-connect.  I don’t have a lot of close family and ever since my parents moved away I’ve felt that acutely.  I have one uncle that I talk to, but that’s about it.

I drove out to her place and from what I saw of it, it was beautiful.  We spent an ENTIRE day catching-up.  Both of us had a lot of questions about the family stuff that we don’t know about.  Unfortunately, her memory is crap, so I ended-up answering more things than I got answers to.

I should probably say that I didn’t really like my cousin growing-up.  We were never close.  She is a couple of years older than me and always gravitated towards my older sister (like all kids).  She was really actually quite the mean girl to me most of the time.  At camp, when we went at the same time,  we were forced to be in the same cabin, which neither of us liked.  She didn’t want her younger, ugly,  nerdy cousin in her cabin and I didn’t want to be with my older, cooler cousin who hated me.  It sucked!  I was put through the ringer.  Her friends hated me as well and they made that abundantly clear.  When we would sail to Catalina, I got ditched and ended-up sunburned, seasick and miserable.  Her dad was the only person who was nice to me.  Kids can be nasty and mean.

She was the pretty one.  Rich, pretty and popular.  I, on the other hand, was not.  Any of that.  To be honest, not much has changed.  She is still pretty and popular.  Rich, I don’t know.  None of my business.

Age has mellowed her personality a little bit, too bad it didn’t touch her looks.  She looks the same!  She was nice for most of the day.  The competitiveness that used to be so inherent in our relationship seems to be diminished.  I think maybe it finally occurred to her that I don’t compete for anything, so it’s no fun being like that with me.  Overall she was nice to be around, although, she did make one comment that hurt my feelings and has stayed with me.  I mentioned it to my dad, not in a tattle tale way, just as an aside and he didn’t seem too pleased.  There was no need for her to have said it to me.  It did not offer anything to the conversation.  It was a “By the way…..”. Disappointing.  I like her though (the grown-up her) and realistically, that was one of the few negatives of an overall nice day.

My cousin has a few kids.  The two I’ve met, I haven’t seen since they were little, so it was great to see them as adults.  Her son has grown-up to be a fantastic, successful, handsome, young man.  One of her daughters was on a trip so I didn’t see her, and, believe it or not, this was the first time I was able to meet her other daughter, who is around 20.  She’s an amazing girl.  My cousin should be proud of all of her kids.

It was a really long and exhausting day.  I made sure I left with contact information for her dad.  I adored him growing-up.  I get the feeling that they don’t talk much, but that doesn’t involve me and I’m not getting in the middle.  I gave her the same advice I give everyone with parent problems: “Our parents did the best they could with the tools they had”.  None of them purposefully fucked anybody up.  That’s just a bonus.

I was able to get in touch with him via email and we will hopefully get together the next time he’s in town.

The next person on the list is her brother.  I think it’s been close to 30 years since I saw him last.  Neither of us were sure if he’d gone to our grandfathers funeral or not (that was almost 20 years ago).  I’m not holding my breath for that to happen though.  She seems very disinterested in the two of us meeting-up and I need her help to get his contact information.

I hope another 14 years doesn’t have to pass before I get together with her again.  We may not ever be the best of friends, but we are family.  With us, that’s a very select group. 

I think I have a quiet weekend ahead of me.  Maybe I will be able to take a little bit of time out and clean my apartment and actually go grocery shopping.......my fridge is empty.  Why am I so fat??!!!??