With such a bad start to 2012, I've tried just about everything I could think of to try and create a fresh start on my own. I burned sage and took it around my apartment. (They call that "smudging"). Did you know that stuff smells like weed? I was told it might, so luckily I told my apartment manager what I was doing so she wouldn't think I was in my pad smoking dope. Man, my apartment smelled like what I imagine Snoop Dogg's tour bus smells like around 2am. That stuff reeks! Seriously. I had to air the place out and turn on fans to get rid of the smell. It took days!!!!
I've also started to try Feng Shui. According to the Bagua map, my relationship quadrant is in my bathroom. OF COURSE IT IS! I've had to change it from a 1950's blue and yellow to a 1950's light pink and blue. Don't get me wrong, I really like the new color scheme, but I liked the old one better. I'm willing to try anything at this point! Plus it gives me something to do. I also changed the colors in the bedroom. It was kind of on the masculine side before (not really me or my taste at all, but it looked okay and everything matched sea foam green / brown / cream). During the rains we had a couple months ago my roof leaked in the bedroom, right on the bed and comforter (staining it a rust color), so it was a good excuse to change things up a little. I femmed it up quite a bit and I really like it. Kinda "shabby chic" if I were to name the style. Much more "me" than it was before. Thank goodness I moved the bed about a foot when I was making the changes because in this last rain the roof leaked again (the repairs didn't take), so no damage to my new bedding.
Don't think I'm crazy (any more than you already do), but ever since I moved in to my apartment, everything has gone to hell. I mean EVERYTHING. Health, relationships, finances, friendships, work, everything. What sucks is, I really like my place, where it's at, plus my neighbors are cool and I don't want to move (I can't really afford to move anyway). I guess I need to do some more thinking about the situation. I'm not moving back in with my uncle, that's for sure. I'm not sure what my options are. I really don't. Like I said, I gotta think on it. I'm not overly superstitious, but with everything that has gone wrong, there has to be another factor in the equation, it's not just me that's doing it. I just don't know what I'm going to do about it.
What I do know is that I need to return my Comic Con membership one of these days soon. I don't know why I haven't done it yet. Conventions and comics aren't a part of my life anymore. Those were the two things in my life that used to make me so happy and now I don't have them anymore. It's my own fault and I have no one else to blame, but it still makes me terribly sad. Maybe one day I'll be able to go back, but I doubt it. I haven't found anything to replace them yet, but I'll continue looking. I have almost a physical reaction when I see anything to do with comics. I feel bad for my friends, I can tell they are walking on eggshells sometimes when they want to talk about new comic-related movies or if we see merchandise out in shops. Plus, it severely limits the gift options at Christmas and on my birthday. No more comic stuff. I packed away every single comic-related item in my apartment. The Alex Ross prints were the first to go (last February 2011), books are off the shelves, t-shirts are boxed up, action figures, games, paperweights and the Green Lantern bank have all been packed away. My Christmas tree didn't have a single superhero on it this last year. It looks so weird. I've had to fill up the spaces left behind, so now my walls are a hodge podge of pictures and my shelves have some weird reading selections on them. It's all so depressing.
The really crappy part of losing those two things is, as most of you know, outside of my core friends I'm really shy, painfully so. The only time I ever really got out and mingled in a public setting on a regular basis was when I went to conventions or to the comic book store. I used to go to concerts, but those aren't financially possible anymore, so I have to give those a miss. I literally have nothing to get me out of my apartment other than going grocery shopping or getting my hair cut. I hope that if I don't show up to work one day that they'll send someone to my place before my corpse starts to smell!
I went to my last convention for the foreseeable future in February (Doctor Who). It was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a while. I tried to put up a front and be happy and fun to be with, but I know I failed miserably and I am truly sorry for that (if my two friends who went are reading this, please know I still feel bad about about being a bummer, I tried, but I know I failed to be good company). It was heartbreaking for me to even be there, you have no idea........ At least it's over with.
I've also still been off Twitter for months and months, other than to post that I posted this blog. I don't find any joy in it any more. Weird.
Well, to bring this post back to a positive note, Gotham is doing well. His face issue reared its ugly head (no pun intended) last week, but we went to the vet and he got his shot and is doing fine. He lost a pound, so he's down to 13lbs now. HE'S NOT FAT! He's long and lean. All muscle! Plus, he's still handsome. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my handsome little man bugging me all the time. I asked the vet if every kitten in his litter had the same problem or if I just drew the lucky (and expensive) card. he said they probably did, but he's sure that Gotham makes up for all the trouble in other ways. He absolutely does! I love that damn cat. I love him so much, I'm going to put his picture in this blog (again).
Another positive thing - I found a new hair dresser. That's good news, right? The salon is a 6 minute walk from my apartment. The gal who does my hair is the owner and is super-nice. So nice in fact that I let her cut about 4 inches off the length of my hair this past appointment! It was kinda too long and I really needed to get rid of some of the damage I caused when I bleached it blonde NYE 2010 / 2011. My hair was fine until December, when all of a sudden, it started acting weird when I washed and dried it. It wouldn't do what I wanted and then I actually saw some of it melt when I was drying it!!! So in January, I started looking for a new salon. I didn't want to drive out to Arcadia anymore (good move as my old hair dresser just announced she's moving to Boston to help expand her church....huh? I knew she was religious, but not THAT religious!). I found this place on Yelp and it had great reviews. So good in fact that I booked my appointment the same day I found it . Anyway, slowly but surely (this was my second appointment), I'll get all of the bad hair cut off and my hair will be just damaged from coloring it every month and the bleach mess will be gone. My hairdresser told me that the reason my hair was acting funny was that it finally said "I've had enough of your nonsense, I'm playing your games anymore". She taught me a new way to dry my hair and spent about an hour asking me questions. That's key. You know someone knows what they're doing if you get a good consultation. PLUS she listened to me! Someone on this planet actually listened to me! Bonus!!!!
Well, I guess that's it for me for now. I'm not sure when I'll blog again. I hope I wasn't too much of a bummer. I tried to lighten it up a bit at the end. :-)
Robin
PS: If you're reading this CBLMW, I thought about you on your birthday and I hope you had a truly magical day.
