Okay, soooo I got my hair cut. Short. Shorter than I have in probably 15 years, at least. I’m under no illusions as to why I did it. It’s one of the few things I can control right now. I’ve never been a cutter and I didn’t want to go down the eating disorder road even more than I already have, so the only option I could see was to cut my hair. I mean, I like it and have received compliments, but I hate why I did it. I can’t cure my friend’s cancer. I can spend time with them, lift them up, keep them steady, make them laugh…but I can’t cure them. I can’t stop a co-workers decline in mental acuity, but I can help fix things as much as I can before amy mistakes are found (or catch them before they become mistakes).  But I could cut my hair in a chin length style. That’s all I can do. Apart from cry. I do that a lot too.

 Hey everyone, I’m going to dictate this, so please excuse any typos or weird turns of phrase. I’m sorry it’s been a while since I posted. I’ve been struggling with whether I should even post anything at all actually. Apart from everything else that’s going on in this country which honestly is just a drain on everything, especially emotionally. I’ve had some things go on that have been taking my attention away from things that I should be focusing on. A lot of you know one of my friends I don’t wanna name them here but it’s very good friend of mine that I’ve known for over 20 years. They’d been diagnosed with stage four lung cancer last year and we found out a few weeks ago, well I found out about six weeks ago that the cancer had spread to their brain and that they’re in treatment of course, but I don’t know what the prognosis is to be honest. I am just spending as much time as I can with them and helping as much as I can. Trying to lighten the load for their family a little bit and their boyfriend. Yeah it’s been really tough. We went out today and drove around the city for the most part of the morning/afternoon. They live in Santa Monica and so we drove out to Los Angeles and went to a restaurant we hadn’t gone to in a while. We seem to always do things around getting lunch! Of course we got turned around and stuck in traffic with all the construction and everything going on. But we went back to their home and we were going to pick up some things in order to run some errands return some items and I had them get out of the car so that it would be easy for them to exit the car and they proceeded to collapse onto the pavement, which was really bad. You know they hurt their nose and their hand and wrist and getting them to the apartment just to rest. Thank goodness their boyfriend saw my car in the street as he was leaving and came back and the neighbor that saw everything and came to help stayed and watched my car. Honestly, I was rattled. It was almost like a seizure and they don’t remember what happened.  

So, planning our next trip I think I need to take into consideration a little bit more that their mobility is limited, but on the flipside too if I coddle them too much they’re gonna get upset. So it’s a fine line to walk when it comes to wanting them to have feel a little bit independent but still be safe. I mean the last time we went out two weeks ago and spent the day together. I think it was two weeks ago And their balance was OK but it would you know they would be shaky every so often and I asked about a cane or a walking stick or something for support and they didn’t want one because they needed to keep working those muscles to walk on their own. They didn’t want to atrophy anything And just a couple weeks later they have a walking stick which I know they don’t like. But I don’t know if it’s the medicine that’s doing it or if it’s the cancer that’s doing it. So that’s been keeping me busy mentally and preoccupied and stressed and upset pretty much all the time when I stop and think. 

I guess Work is is OK. I’m not thrilled, but that hasn’t changed just I’ve got someone that I work with who as I’ve mentioned here before I feel that their cognitive abilities are in decline and that’s been hard because I’ve worked with them for it’ll be 10 years in a few months And to see that decline happen has been difficult. One of the side effects of their decline is they’re already short temper has gotten shorter and so there’s a lot of yelling going on and I don’t know about you guys, but I certainly don’t like being yelled at when it’s not their place to yell at me nor is that anybody’s place to yell at me, but It’s hard to get really upset back when I don’t know that they understand that they that they shouldn’t be doing it. I mean it’s not like it’s terribly abusive or anything. It’s not like an HR issue, but it’s you know reactionary to different situations and you know that makes it hard. So yeah it’s been a lot. 

On a different note, I’ve mentioned last year that I did a walk the Saturday before Thanksgiving that was from USC to UCLA. It was an urban hike and it was almost 15 miles through different areas of Los Angeles and it was really really neat and this year is again the Saturday before Thanksgiving and it’s going to be from one Wilshire to the ocean. I guess there’s a statue in Santa Monica and I think that’s where it’s gonna end. They haven’t posted anything as of yet with details, so I’ve been trying to do some sort of preparation for the walk hike whatever you wanna call it urban hike. I couldn’t sleep this morning so I left my house at about 4am armed with pepper spray, of course and I did almost 6 miles walking, not running but walking and got home about an hour and a half or so it’s not too bad. It was nice cause it was cold and little bit misty out not too hot, but I’m hoping that I can build up to close to the distance that were that we’re going to be doing in November I still have almost 2 months and I think I’ll be able to do it. I just remember feeling really old last year because when we hit mile five you know your hip starts to hurt and then the backs of your knees start to hurt and then you start walking not completely upright so I don’t want that to happen this year. Last year I didn’t do any preparation. I just did it And I think that was a little bit of a mistake but then I found out about it fairly close to the time and date that we were gonna do it so there wasn’t really the opportunity to do anything ahead of time. So hopefully this year will be good. I’ll probably do the same thing, park at the destination and catch a Lyft or an Uber or the bus or train back to the Start of the walk. That way I have a ride waiting for me and I don’t have to try and grab a Lyft or anything back to my car. 

So that’s what’s going on not too much. I’ll try and write later.

Dispatch from the front lines. Things are bleak, rations are holding out for now, but the psychological impact of the situation is dire. Okay, kidding. Sort of.

It’s my birthday season and I wanted to start my next year free of clutter and I’ve only made things worse. I spent this past holiday weekend  bringing out boxes and going thru them, randomly moving furniture and generally feeling overwhelmed. And I’m covered in bruises from all of it. I’m going to Ricky Gervais at the Hollywood Bowl Saturday, but other than that, I’m going to continue the work. I’ve even arranged to work from home Monday and Tuesday so I can try to get more done then. I was going to take the days off, but a member of the team is out of town and I need to cover the clients, plus I have a weekly zoom with management from the western US I have to be on. Ugh.

Changing topics, because of the current leadership here is so horrific and the latest news out of Washington is a change of policy for vaccinations, I was able to get in to CVS and get a Covid shot that was still covered. As I’m not 65 and have no major health issues, my access to future boosters us heavily in doubt. I guess I’ll be out of luck come time for my flu shot in the fall, unless my insurance covers it.

Going to LA tomorrow afternoon to get my roots done. My hairdresser said having blonde hair would be easier than dark hair, but over 2 years in and it seems like it’s more expensive and a pain in the neck. Literally. Plus, when I imagine myself, I still see a brunette with blonde highlights, not a blonde. It’s weird.

Random thoughts- If I haven’t mentioned it, Thunderbolts* was awesome. Saw it twice. 3D sucked, but the movie was solid. Looking forward to Fantastic 4 and Superman!

If you’re in the US and are so inclined, google “no king protests June 14 2025”. There will be nationwide protests in honor of our would be king's birthday. There is one a couple blocks from here and I know they are a few others in So Cal.

Work should be quiet but busy tomorrow, and since I’ll most likely be alone in my area, I packed up my complete MacMillan and Wife set to play on my portable dvd player so I can listen to it while working. 

Oh, send good thoughts to Magda Szubanski. Diagnosed with aggressive blood cancer. That woman is a treasure.

It’s going to be hot tomorrow, BOOOO.

Well, better set my clothes out for tomorrow. More later. 

Ta,

R

Well folks, I got notification that my health insurance has denied my hospital stay. Now I’m going to have to try and see how to appeal. Keep in mind, I got this notice one day after I met with my surgeon and he proceeded to tell me I should have had my gallbladder out 2 years ago and it was a nightmare inside me and a mess to get out. He said it was barely working, huge and the wrong color. On the flip side, my incisions are healing great, two of which are already almost invisible and tests showed no cancer. 

I don’t get it, did I have a choice when I was admitted to the hospital? They told me I wasn’t going home and they were waiting for my insurance to approve my admission then they admitted me. I’m sure the hospital had me sign forms taking responsibility for stuff. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll make some calls once I hear from the hospital. 

I don’t condone violence, but I get how people get very upset about this. I was in the hospital for three days, I doubt I have the means to cover that. It’s scary.

Well, I guess I better learn how to deal with this.

It’s been a challenging 2 weeks or so. The last few years I’ve been under the impression I’ve developed heartburn. Doesn’t that happen once you reach a “certain age”? Then I had a really bad attack last September when I got Covid for the first time. It was so awful. Crippling pain that lasted all night. I’ve had a bunch of light episodes since, but nothing terrible, until about 2 weeks ago. I was sick for 9 hours straight, non-stop. I thought I might have torn my stomach from it all. Stayed home from work the next day to try and rest, but it started up again around 6pm. For the first time since I was a kid, I went to the hospital. I just knew I couldn’t go through that again on my own, but I was afraid they’d roll their eyes and send me home with milk of magnesia. Urgent Care couldn’t help, so they sent me to the emergency room. It took hours and another attack (after countless EKG’s, sonograms and bloodwork for them to whisk me into a weird emergency room pod to be given an IV of fluids and pain killers. My insurance approved me to be admitted around 6-7am. More tests, more doctors. Turns out, my gallbladder had things wrong with it and had been spreading bad stuff to my liver all this time. Luckily, I don’t drink much (unless I’m visiting my parents, lol!) and the liver damage was still at the stage where it could repair itself.  That gallbladder had to come out, but they needed to take an MRI and they didn’t know when that would happen. Once it did they rushed me down and took it out in a nighttime surprise surgery. Recovery has been okay and I went back to work for partial days Thursday. By partial days, I mean I left an hour early, but was still there 9 hours, no lunch.

The hospital stay was interesting and kind of bizarre. I had a really nice room to myself and had a mountain view. It rained while I was there, so I spent a lit of time looking out the window, didn’t turn the tv on at all!  The bed was dumb though. It was the kind designed to stop you getting bed sores, so every time you shift/move, it inflated then deflated. Sometimes it did it randomly on its own! It was hard enough trying to sleep when the nurses came in every two hours to take vitals, let alone while my bed would randomly move on its own!

Luckily, I was on IV pain killers the entire time coz, I’m not sure I would have appreciated TWO bosses (one with a spouse) visiting me while I was clad in only a hospital gown, no make up, no glasses,  an IV, tons of wires and tubes attached and my hair unbrushed. The absolute worst was when the client a team member sent showed up. A CLIENT!!! Again, luckily I was on drugs and luckily she’s a sweet woman who I adore…but I’d rather she didn’t come. I’m grateful they cared enough to come, but I hadn’t even told family I was there (boy, that didn’t go over well after the fact!).

So I went to hozzie on a Monday night and got home on a Thursday afternoon. What a week that was! I wonder what that bill is going to look like! 😳 After day 2 of being home I quit taking the prescription pain killers and muscle relaxers. I just don’t want to rely on them. Surprisingly, the  pain hasn’t been bad at all. The worst was the big air pocket. I guess they had to pump me full of air to do the surgery and before it dissipates, it moves around like I’m a human spirit level each time I move, pushing my organs around as it searches for the top of wherever it’s at.

I guess I should be glad all this happened after I saw Squeeze in Vegas! I can’t imagine going through all this away from home. I flew in Friday night, met my best friend who drove, went to the show and we drove home after. I’d flown out of Ontario as that’s where they’d rented a car, so I still needed to drive aways home after I reached my car.  I walked back into my place at 3:15am Saturday, exactly 24 hours since I’d woken up, so rock-n-roll! Of course I felt like garbage and spent the entire day recovering. The next evening, my hospital saga started. Yikes! 

Happy Birthday CBLMW, keep doing amazing things. Everything you do is a light in the darkness we’re living in.

Hey guys! I just wanted to mention I’ve seen a bunch of article headlines about people who voted for the current dictator and how unhappy they are their benefits/jobs/etc are being taken away and how unhappy they are coz they thought it was only non-cis gendered people and non-whites who were going to be hurt. This isn’t what they voted for!

Welllll, fuck all of you. Many people warned you and your selfish, racist ass voted for him any way. Enjoy your misery. Welcome to reality. There is no sympathy for you. Anywhere.

I heard they were going after republican females now. 

He doesn’t need your vote any more, you morons. 

I honestly believe he will do what I predicted during the previous election and abolish the 2-term limit.

And they’re just getting started

Different topic/thought - Who’d have thought there would be a measles death in 2025?

Have I mentioned how scared I am? This is worse than even I thought it would be.